Trying to reconnect

For weeks now I have been trying to learn more about clean eating and becoming healthier. This is something I have been doing over a year now and I have learned a lot. But this past week I have had my eyes open even wider to what I have been doing to my body. This past week I have been tracking what I eat on a App on my phone. Best thing I could have done and also maybe the worst??? I have thought for months now that I have been eating healthy and exercising right, but now I have to rethink everything and start over with a new plan.

My plan for months now has been to cut the soda out, eat more veggies and eat at home more. Now sometimes this is hard and I just reach for a frozen meal or something that I can make out of a box. I will have a can or 2 of soda a day thinking that its not hurting me as long as I have it in the mornings. I will have a couple slices of breakfast pizza a few times a week because thats what is brought to us at work. I will eat out at lunch sometimes and then say to myself that I will have just a salad to balance things out at home for supper.

Now after looking at what I have been doing this past week with my eating habits, I have become depressed. Not depressed where I want to hide and cry, but depressed all the same. I hate the struggle I deal with everyday. A struggle that I know a lot of people deal with too.

I have become one of those people that talk about their weight and what's healthy and what kind of exercise they do all the time! When did that happen? When did making myself become the number one thing compared to local gossip? I know its a good thing but why is it that I can't stop thinking about what food to buy, or what exercise should I try, or if there is a new workout dvd I should try? It's all i think about.

Because of this, I have started to lose myself. I know all the right things to do to change my body but now my soul is starting to suffer. I cant remember the last time I sat down and meditated. Its been over a month since I walked not to just exercise but to enjoy the nature on the path. I go to the gym now, even when its been a beautiful night and it would be a great time to walk outside. I noticed today that I need to reconnect with things in nature, get back to my path in life. Nature and the beauty that surrounds me is what makes me happy, not just eating right and finding that next great diet cure. Yes I need to fuel my body the right way but I also need to fuel my soul.

So starting tomorrow, well since its after midnight its really today, I will be fueling my soul. Meditation will be on my list of things I need to do each day. Looking for the beauty in the small things will be on my list. Eating right and exercise is important and I can do that as well as reconnect with my path. I want to be a better person and the only way I can do that is do everything, not just one thing.